Parenting Babies, Toddlers & Teens

Posts Tagged ‘Michelle Shelton’

Do your kids whine?
These steps will help you win the war on whining!
by Michelle Shelton
keys2kids

“I waaaannnnnnttt soooome candeeeee mameeeee.” The girl drew out her words in a long whiny voice as I stood in line at the grocery store.

“No Susie, you can’t have any candy and quit that whining!” Her mother snapped.

“But I waaannnnt sommme. I waaannnnt some candeeeee.” Came Susie’s whiny reply.”

“Ugh! I can’t stand that whining Susie, stop it!” Again the obviously frustrated mother snapped at her child.

The child didn’t seem to notice her mothers angry voice and although the mother seemed truly annoyed I was absolutely astonished when the mother grabbed a couple of candy bars and threw them in her basket as she said, “there, you have the candy, NOW will you stop whining?”

Have you ever seen this happen or worse yet, maybe you are the parent giving in to a whiny child? Yikes!

There are a few things that you must know about whining before you can stop it.

First. Whining comes in many forms. Did you know rolling of eyes, slouching shoulders, heavy sighing, and basic bad attitude can be considered whining? That’s right! You must know that kids will use whatever works to get their way. If you are like the woman in the grocery store and give in to your child’s whining, the child will use it again and again because quite frankly, it worked! Susie got just what she wanted. The mother was so annoyed by the whiny voice that she was willing to give in to what her child wanted just to shut her up. This is a short-term solution to a long-term problem. If you reward bad behavior, you invite more! The more you cater to whining. The more whining you will get.

So what can you do when your child whines? Because your child will whine! A plan of action is a must! I can honestly tell you that my children rarely whine. Oh, they still make jabs at it but they use it less frequently because they know it doesn’t work. Why? Because we don’t allow it! When they start talking to me in a whiny voice, I give them a dazed and confused look and say, “Wow, I know you said something but my ears don’t hear whining. I really wish I knew what you were trying to say to me but my ears only hear what is said in a nice voice. Your voice is whiny and I can’t understand it. If you take a deep breath and say it again in a nice voice, I might be able to help you out.”

Often time, as adults, we use words that kids don’t understand. As a parent you really must become child-like in your speech. And I don’t mean baby talk. I simply mean that if you say a word that your child may not understand, you have to define the word to the child. I define the word “whine” by telling them it is a crummy voice and that they need to talk in a nice voice. I then demonstrate by talking in a nice voice. I would always instruct them to take a deep breath and try again in the same type of nice voice. This often leads to more whining with rolling of eyes. Stick to your guns and point out their bad behavior and even if they talk in a nice voice, while they are rolling their eyes, it is still whining! Make them say it again without rolling their eyes!

When my children saw that the whiny voice didn’t work for them the way it worked for the neighbor girl, they were on to develop new talents at getting what they want. After all, the one thing as a parent that you have to realize is, it’s your kids’ job to get what they want. There is always a battle of the wants. They want this. You want that! You are the adult so you have to be clever and creative and give them direction without it becoming a war of the wills. Always attempt to create a win/win situation and give them the power to change their behavior. Remember though, your kids are creative too so you have to be a step ahead of them all the time.

When my kids were very little, we had a whining chair. If they whined, they had to sit there. I would make sure that once they were in the whining chair that I went into another room and left them. I would instruct them that they could get up when they were ready to talk in a nice voice, or not roll their eyes, heavy sigh, etc. Again, make sure you always give them charge of their own behavior. Part of that, is letting them decide how long they maintain their poor behavior. Some kids will straighten right up and other, more stubborn kids will sit there for a day, just to show you! This is why you leave the room and act as if you don’t care how long they stay in the chair. The stubborn kid wants your attention, even if it is negative, so he will stay in the chair and whine, make noise, act out and anything else that will draw attention to him. He won’t stay in the chair very long if you are not there to watch!

The number one thing you can do to curb whining is, listen to yourself! Do you heavy sigh, roll your eyes, drop your shoulders and scoff when you are asked to do something by your child, a friend, family member, or spouse? If so, YOU are a bad example! Do YOU talk in a whiny voice? Ouch. I know this hurts, but remember, you have to BE the change you want to see in your kids because they will be what you ARE!

Parenting Babies was Easy Work!
by Michelle Shelton

I remember when I had babies and I thought it was oh so much work! Diapers, laundry, meals, baths, dressing, feeding, eating….ahhhhhhhh.

Parenting babies is EASY!

Now, fast forward 14 years or so. My youngest is about to turn 14. The oldest just turned 24. That means for at least 10-12 years I was in this mode of cooking, cleaning, dressing, feeding, cleaning and well..you get the picture. At the time I remember feeling tired. I was tired all the time. I felt like a slave must feel.

Looking back, those were the best years of my life! As children get older they are much more difficult work. They create a need for mind work. Now my body is tired because my mind has to be on all the time and it that takes a lot more energy than mindless cleaning and cooking!

Would you think that parenting ends at say, 18? Or maybe when they get out of college? That would seem reasonable, right? Doesn’t seem to be so. My 24 year old is constantly calling and asking for things and she will tap into her winning formula of having a fit when she doesn’t get what she wants. Interesting. Of course I have some responsibility in this because if it didn’t work in some way, she wouldn’t use it. *sigh*

Now you can see what I mean when I say mind work. The issue is, now when I am starting to figure out how to parent effectively, my kids are much older. If only I had been privey to this information when they were little. The good news? I am going to share my parenting ideas and concepts with you so you can do something different to create a different future.

The real work has just begun for me! Isn’t that exciting?